love love love · weird

Happy VD

In honor of Saint Valentine I had two true love topics to choose from to write about. The first topic is something you may see me continuously bring you live up-to-the-minute updates until April 29, The Royal Wedding, yo!

OR

We can talk about the TwoDaLoo. Do you know? Do you HAVE one? The TwoDaLoo is a water-conserving toilet for couples. In fact, the product page goes so far as to claim that this toilet can help “save rocky marriages and the planet.”

.

Ahem. I decided on the former. Not shittin’ you.

Prince William and Kate Middleton have chosen their best man and maid of honor! And no surprise, Prince Harry will be the best man while Kate’s sister Pippa will be her maid of honor. So far the only rest of the wedding party announced were the children, with Camilla’s granddaughter, Eliza Lopes, age 3, being included in the group.

Sorry it is not the most ground breaking news of the day… maybe I should have stuck with talking about the TwoDaLoo.

tragic · weird

Di Another Day

I found it! The picture I was telling you two posts ago – Legacy of a Prince. I took this picture when Princess Diana died and the news was showing her pictures on the television screen.

Mine that I took turned out all red, the only picture in my roll of film that did. Oooooohhhh spooky!!

Quirky · weird

Me Need Food.

 Have any of you done any detoxing? Not like Lindsey Lohan style, but the lemon cleanse or olive oil cleanse or vodka cleanse? Just kidding on the vodka cleanse. Cuz today was day one of detox.

I kinda made up my own program; lemon water with maple syrup and cayenne, some spoonfuls of olive oil, only eating veges and bananas, and the shocking salt water oral enema. I guess I have never had an enema because I really wasn’t sure what to expect. I put 3 teaspoons of sea salt into a QUART of lukewarm water and swallowed. It took me about 20 minutes to finish the entire thing but even before I emptied the cup I had been to the bathroom a few times. Holy crap! Pun intended …. wow, the stuff that comes out of you. Okay, I’m sorry, I will stop. But seriously, kind of amazing.

I had planned on doing this cleanse for about three days, with the last day rewarding myself with a 90 minute massage at Son Antem. CAN’T WAIT FOR THAT MASSAGE. And apparently I can’t wait for real food again either. But today I will prevail!! And only dream of cheeseburgers, shrimp pasta with lots of cream, egg sandwich, spaghetti. I could go on and on with the food I have been salivating for all night. Alas, my vegetable broth will have to do. With my never-ending glass of water. No wine tonight either. Why have I done this to myself?

Tomorrow is day two. Let’s see how long I last before I break out the cheese and crackers. I will try to make it as long as I can, but I know by dinner time it will have to be something of substance. Hopefully it will be a healthy slice of salmon and a salad. How the hell do people do this for two weeks?

Ooohh, I just remembered I have fresh doughnuts in the cupboard. WILL POWER. MUST …  NOT … EAT … DOUGHNUT.

Hopefully I will survive day one. Off to make my tea laxative for the evening and wash it all down with some olive oil. Cheers!

Germany · just do it already · spain · weird

El Pulpo Paul says Viva España

Just arrived back in Mallorca yesterday a few hours before the third place game of Germany vs. Uruguay. You know who won right? Paul the octopus from the Oberhausen aquarium in Germany did ….. hours before the game. GERMANY!

And now el pulpo (the octopus in spanish) Paul says Spain will win the World Cup championship.

At the moment, Paul has correctly predicted the winner of all six of Germany’s World Cup matches: four victories and two losses, including the quarter-final loss against Spain.

As a result of that last call, Paul is not very popular in Germany these days. Newsweekly Der Spiegel reports that the Twittersphere is buzzing with death threats against the octopus in the form of calamari recipes.

Spain is even considering offering Paul asylum “so that the Germans don’t eat him,” environmental minister Elena Espinosa tells Der Spiegel. If Paul’s next prediction comes true, all of Spain will welcome him with open arms: Paul and his own eight arms say Spain will beat Holland for the World Cup championship. Watch Paul, in all his glory choose SPAIN. Viva España!

And stay tuned peeps … I have finally returned from my month-long excursion in the USA and have much to share. Sorry I have been away for so long. My apologies, and I promise to make it up to you. Muah! oxo.

earth · just how it is sometimes · planet · weird

Volcano Freak Out

I must say this volcano eruption that is causing all the travel chaos is thrilling! Never have most European airports been closed for this long of a time. So far Madrid is still open so I could fly to the states at any time. But maybe it will close. Actually I have been constantly clicking on the interactive map from the online New York Times, I am obsessed with a volcano and I love it.

I have read stories of people scrambling for seats on the trains, the Eurotunnel, a ticket for a ferry. A journey that was supposed to be a simple two-hour flight turned into a 20 hour trip to get home. Taxi drivers are making buckets of money driving people all over Europe.

And scientists warn that the activity of the volcano has increased with no signs of slowing. Wow. I am completely enthralled.

* Look at that kickass header…up there! That is a closeup of just a smidge of one of my recent paintings.

books · friends · spain · weird

sweet valley high ~ spanish style

 Driving home tonight, the moon was low in the sky and fuzzy. Fuzzy from the clouds and fuzzy from my cold sake, it was sushi night with the Gomez Gil twins. They’re so cute, they are like my Spanish equivalent to the Sweet Valley High (SVH) twins.

Did you ever read those books? My God, I was obsessed. Constantly wanting to be Jessica because of her daring attitude and every guy dying to be with her. But Elizabeth was cool, she was smart and sly, and had a hot boyfriend, who was such the gentleman. I read through at least book 100. And I just have to mention that I still knew the twin’s names without having to look it up. I am very disturbed by that fact.

Also, a bit disturbing is that I decided to drive the back way home. It is a very winding narrow road with potholes and tall weeds growing from both sides. Normally, I find it quite peaceful when coming home late and driving on this dark deserted road where you rarely see another car. But this night I was a bit spookified. A few weeks ago my online Mallorca Daily Bulletin (MDB) had a story headline that read “Missing Bolivian found dismembered in Sa Rapita”.

There are two problems (if not more) that I have with this headline.

1. MDB will publish headlines at the top of the post but you have to wait until the next day to read the story. The site is free, why would you need to lure me here another day? Please MDB, I read you daily – as I should since it is part of your name. I had to wait a full 24 hours before I could find out about a woman dismembered in my neighborhood.

2. Dismembered? Not something I was expecting to happen in my sleepy lil town of Sa Rapita. Who could do that to a human body? Truly horrifying.

Finally I read about what happened. A man who goes by the initials of Q.Q. (an Ecuadorian) killed this Bolivian woman in her home in Palma and then put her body into his car and drove it out to his place here, in Sa Rapita. Using his construction tools to dismember the body, he then threw the body parts out randomly, while driving around. And this back road I mentioned, would be perfect for doing just that. It is uninhabited, but there is a fence along the road so animals cannot go onto (or off) the land. Some of the body parts were found on his property, but not all.

And what is still missing? Her head. This has been haunting me terribly.

SVH had many evil plots, don’t you remember. What about the very first book where there is smoking and drinking, later books have death and drugs, not so sweet now…. The evil sneaks in from all directions doesn’t it? So, yes, it’s quite possibly Sweet Valley High, Spanish style.

And people nowadays say Twilight is not good for their daughters to read. Why? Because Edward is the perfect man? Which of course, he isn’t. Or wait…..

So driving back home through the cool, foggy air with twists and turns in the road where the weeds can touch your car, I pictured her. This poor woman who lost her life and was brought here, to my peaceful neighborhood. I waited to see a ghostly figure in front of me with each turn, but it brought me only another turn, more weeds sliding by, whispering good night.

Not really the direction you thought I was going with this post? Just keeping it real, yo.  And you thought I was all about silliness…

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