Me Need Food.

 Have any of you done any detoxing? Not like Lindsey Lohan style, but the lemon cleanse or olive oil cleanse or vodka cleanse? Just kidding on the vodka cleanse. Cuz today was day one of detox.

I kinda made up my own program; lemon water with maple syrup and cayenne, some spoonfuls of olive oil, only eating veges and bananas, and the shocking salt water oral enema. I guess I have never had an enema because I really wasn’t sure what to expect. I put 3 teaspoons of sea salt into a QUART of lukewarm water and swallowed. It took me about 20 minutes to finish the entire thing but even before I emptied the cup I had been to the bathroom a few times. Holy crap! Pun intended …. wow, the stuff that comes out of you. Okay, I’m sorry, I will stop. But seriously, kind of amazing.

I had planned on doing this cleanse for about three days, with the last day rewarding myself with a 90 minute massage at Son Antem. CAN’T WAIT FOR THAT MASSAGE. And apparently I can’t wait for real food again either. But today I will prevail!! And only dream of cheeseburgers, shrimp pasta with lots of cream, egg sandwich, spaghetti. I could go on and on with the food I have been salivating for all night. Alas, my vegetable broth will have to do. With my never-ending glass of water. No wine tonight either. Why have I done this to myself?

Tomorrow is day two. Let’s see how long I last before I break out the cheese and crackers. I will try to make it as long as I can, but I know by dinner time it will have to be something of substance. Hopefully it will be a healthy slice of salmon and a salad. How the hell do people do this for two weeks?

Ooohh, I just remembered I have fresh doughnuts in the cupboard. WILL POWER. MUST …  NOT … EAT … DOUGHNUT.

Hopefully I will survive day one. Off to make my tea laxative for the evening and wash it all down with some olive oil. Cheers!

2 thoughts on “Me Need Food.

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